Before we get started please understand that I do these things listed below so that I can be a good mother and woman. If I am not centered and together my household would fall the hell apart! So, notice how these are things that I do for ME. Also notice how they don't always include the little people. It is ok to have something for yourself mommies!
Have you ever looked in the mirror and waited for your reflection to talk back to you to give you some direction in life and it said nothing? Well, you’re not alone. I have been trying for the last 11 months to find the inner peace and the serenity that I need.
Understand this, life is hectic as hell at this point and this may not be the ideal situation for any of us, however it is the perfect time to work on you! So, in the spirit of self-work I’m going to share with you guys a few things that I found out during self-discovery that has been keeping me grounded and sane in these scary times.
First thing-I decided to keep moving forward with my education goals. Naturally when they closed the campus I was like “oh yeah this all can go to hell”. I’m not as disciplined as others and knowing myself I figured online school was a waste of money for me. Now looking back on this situation, I could kick my own ass for thinking so little of myself. I had nothing else to do, and I had access to all of the tools I needed to succeed, so why not?
I am proud to say that I finished the winter semester and I’m blazing through the spring/ summer courses. If I hadn’t continued on with this plan, I would be so depressed today looking at all that time I wasted, so thank God for that fire in my gut.
Another thing that is keeping me grounded and happy is my garden. While I was reflecting on a time when I was carefree, what came to mind was little Court years ago being in the backyard with my Grandma watering her plants. I think she still has that watering can to be honest- lol I’ll have to get a picture for you guys. But that was calming and exciting. She would fill up my can and tell me where to go and I would, and it made me so happy to be outside and to be with her. Years have passed and although I don’t go over to water her yard anymore something about the experience just sits so well with me. I feel ok when I am in my space and nurturing another form of life that isn’t the kids lol. It also gets me up off my phone and outside! That was a big thing with quarantine- we were all being lazy. So, when the spring hit hard, I took the opportunity and ran with it. Now my kids are excited to help me outside and that experience it pretty priceless.
I read more. This has always been an interest of mine. I love the fact that an author can put together a story and I can see it like a movie when I read those words. Depending on my mood I can be solving a mystery or pretending to be a Greek Goddess who never gets old. This is something that I am also trying to encourage my children to do. Books are amazing, and with all this extra time I am truly taking the opportunity to get back to an original hobby.
I am still in therapy.
Look, shit is crazy out here. I know that in the black community it has been said that this isn’t needed, but it is. I am blessed to have a therapist that I trust and two good friends with degrees in therapy and social work that continue to support me when I can’t do it myself.
A word of advice when it comes to this topic -DO NOT BE AFRAID TO TAKE THIS STEP! This was one of the best decisions I made for myself. I’ve found out things about me and my anxiety that has helped me grow and maintain relationships. Not just relationships with friends and family, but the relationship with myself. If you are thinking of talking to someone, I support you! And if you need help finding someone please email me and I can try to use my resources to get you started.
Overall, Self-Discovery is a continued job. I know that all of these things I mentioned sounds simple but believe you me- it took me a minute to figure out how to incorporate these things into my everyday life. At a time like this when it seems like you have no control you should try to do whatever it is that calms you. That way you’re dwelling in your positive energy space and can pour out love when you speak and move, because this world is a sick place.